I think I might audition for a part in Hollyoaks. By the looks of things, if you're blonde and your name is Gemma, you stand a good chance of being cast. Of course I'd have to lose a couple of stone and get a boob job before I'd really fit in, but I'm halfway there thanks to my unoriginal parents. At the British Soap Awards Gemma Murna (Carmel) won a gong for best comedy performance, while Gemma Bissex (Claire) snagged best villain. Here they are in all their shiny purple glory. It wouldn't be the soap awards without a bit of satin, would it?

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Meanwhile...

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...it's easy to see why stunning Roxanne McKee (Louise) won sexiest female, but she's looking very gaunt in her grecian dress. Please tell me she's not another one who's fallen foul of the size zero madness? And also three cheers for my finally realising the blindingly obvious. Hollyoaks cute newbie Hannah Tointon (Katy) is actually the identikit younger sister of Kara Tointon (Dawn in Eastenders). Duh! [images: Getty]