The Brits - Red Carpet Report
The Brits are always good for some good old-fashioned fashion policing. I love my country, but we have our fair share of musicians who shouldn't be trusted to dress themselves, wannabes who seek fame simply by flashing their flesh and reality TV 'stars' who shouldn't have received an invitation in the first place. Why, exactly, does Jade Goody get to attend a music industry event? What posessed Carol Thatcher to ever think that floor length red leather was a good look? Does Myleene Klass own any clothing that's not skintight satin? And who the hell is Adrienne and why do we need to see so much of her?
Topping many tabloids this morning was Paris 'Barbie doll' Hilton...who turned up in the same Julien MacDonald dress she modelled at London Fashion Week only days ago. As if Project Catwalk wasn't getting the sparkly Welshman enough press...
...but even La Hilton was outshone by another attention-grabbing starlet in sparkles. Classical singer Katherine Jenkins went for a dress that screamed 'look at me! No, really, LOOK!' Her red Jessica Rabbit number definitely accentuated those curves, but I couldn't help noticing the telltale clear straps and chiffon sections that kept it up and made the whole thing look cheaper than it undoubtedly was. I've not confirmed this, but I smell the faint B-list whiff of footballers wife favourite Scott Henshall with this one. And her shoes were from Office.
Luckily, there were some nice outfits to counterbalance the tacky Las Vegas glam. Thandie Newton went for a very unusual print but pulled it off with her usual grace and elegance. Joss Stone also went the print route, but sadly didn't come off quite so well. I think it's the Madonna-esque purple satin boots that spoil the look, or possibly the scalloped hem of her dress, which makes it a little too 'fancy dress' for my taste. I do like her sparkly headband and general bohemian style though. It's nice to see her staying true to her personal taste and not suddenly wearing skinny jeans a la Ashlee Simpson just because 'boho chic' is over. Joss is a hippy through and through!
Kelly Clarkson wore a chic strapless number with a chiffon overlay. She's a few steps away from looking like she popped out in her nightdress, but she just about gets away with it. Like Joss, she went for a headband as a girlie accessory, and I think it worked. She's still young enough to get away with it!
The Sugababes (including new member and Mutya lookalike Amelle) wore simple black dresses which will hardly go down in fashion history, but also keep them safely off the worst-dressed list. The less said about Keisha's shoes the better, though! Also opting for the simple LBD was Kelly Osbourne, who I thought looked fabulous in her black shift and cardigan. Her light blonde hair isn't brilliant with her pale skin, but I love the fake-hair bow headband. Where can I get one?!
TV presenter Holly Willoughby showed off her curves in a 40s style number (not sure about the dressed-up school shoes, though). And then there was Prom Princess Jamelia, who never fails to look polished and pretty. I love the flash of colour from the green satin sash on her dress, and her round toe satin pumps are perfect too. Her look was safe, but who can blame her?
From there, it was sadly downhill. Michelle Ryan took an unfortunate leaf out of Myleene's book and went for head-to-toe satin. I can't even begin to fathom how she ever thought those trousers would look good. Another victim of the evils of satin was KT Tunstall. I love KT Tunstall and really wish I didn't have to be mean about her, but WHAT IS THIS?! Chunky black boots with too-tight hot pink satin. Sack the stylist (or get a stylist, perhaps).
Next up for some much-needed fashion advice is Denise Lewis, who would look passable if she had a decent bra and a new pair of sandals. And then there's Jo Whiley. She's another one I really don't want to be mean about, but she looks like she just rolled out of bed, belted her oversize sleep shirt, picked up a bag that doesn't match and headed for the car. Great shoes, though.
The biggest frock horror of the night was definitely Debbie Harry. Patent ballet flats aside, this is just one huge personification of the word NO. Kudos to her for having a sense of humour, and lord knows if anyone has earned the right to have fun with fashion it's her, but there was no need for the fauxhawk wig. No need!